MIA

I have definitely been MIA (missing in action) the last couple of months.  Graduation, moving, remodeling, makes me tired just thinking about it all.  Through it all I am learning more and more about myself and those around me.  God is truly working on my heart and teaching me each day to just trust in Him.  When all else fails where do you turn?  For me it's easy to turn into introspection and depression.  I am choosing to turn to Him and trust in the outcome whether it's what I "want" or not.  We are about 75% done with moving and unpacking.  Wow is it hard to "downsize" but when it's all said and done I think I'm going to be much happier in this new place on several different levels.  God is so good to me.

Happy Mothers Day

Well I stand amazed at the goodness of God. We’ve had a marvelous weekend with Jeff’s kids. Abby & Nathan have been here since Thursday and we’ve had a great time visiting and “catching up” with each other. Today I woke up to flowers from Jeff and the girls and Nathan cooking me breakfast! How exciting. Later today I get to have lunch with my kids, they are taking me to Campo Verde in Arlington, one of my favorite Mexican restaurants. And even in the midst of tons of activity we have gone to Whit’s softball game Friday night (she got a hit, scored and they won the game!), moved another load to Arlington and Whit spent the night Friday night. It’s been a great weekend and I have enjoyed myself immensely. I have repented for my little pitty party earlier in the week and realize God is just working on some heart issues mostly with me. But isn’t that usually the truth? It has been my experience in life when something hurts really bad it’s usually a cleansing in your heart that needs to be addressed. False expectations, illegitimate responsibility, etc. Growing in God and getting healthy is a journey called life and I hope to embrace it.

Today is Mother’s Day. It’s a day to honor our Mother, mine has been gone from this world for 5 years now and I miss her all the time but I know I will see her again in heaven so I take great peace in that. However, today I enjoy what I have here and rejoice that I have been given the honor to be a Mom to some great kids both in the natural and spiritual. My prayer for today is that God will give me and all Moms the grace to enjoy our children and let them go all at the same time. Hopefully they will continue to grow and have wonderful lives and leave a legacy for their kids as well.

Mother's Day

As I sit here contemplating Mother’s day coming up I have so many mixed emotions. I miss my Mom terribly, I just wish I could hear her laugh and call her and tell her what is going on in my world like I used to when she was alive. When I was younger we used to talk every day sometimes several times a day about everything, there wasn’t anything in my world she did not know about. Then as the years went on and life’s little hurts and misunderstandings happen we talked less and less. It wasn’t any one thing, misunderstanding and miscommunications, hurt feelings on both sides, who knows. The result was by the end of her life we did not talk every day and sometimes went for months without talking. I so regret that now, and I realize it was not all my fault or responsibility I would just have done things differently perhaps. Once they are gone you can’t get back the time wasted on stupid misunderstanding and perceived hurt and snubs.


That brings me to the other issue I’m facing in my current state of affairs. I married Jeff 13 years ago this coming Monday and it has been an interesting journey for sure. When we got married I had this vision of blending our families together and having this one big happy family. Well that has not really happened and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s probably not ever going to happen at this point. They are all grown and have their own lives and for whatever reason don’t seem to really want to have much to do with us. So I spent a long time on the phone today with one of my best friends and she told me I need to step back and let it all go and trust God with the outcome. I know she is right but it sure is hard. I’m such a fix it person I want it all fixed NOW!

I also spent a long time yesterday talking to a lady that is getting ready to retire from my workplace. She is estranged from her children and the only family she really has is her church family and it makes you sad but at the same time happy she has some people somewhere that care for her. I’m not estranged really from my kid’s, most of them just never communicate or let us know how they are and don’t seem to care what is going on in our lives. Maybe that is just how it goes when they grow up and “go on” with their lives, I don’t know.  I hope I don't get to be 70 and have no contact with any of my children and grandchildren but if it happens I will deal with it.

So my plans at this point for Mother’s day are probably going to be painting the house in Arlington or at least taking more stuff over to get ready for the garage sale. I also spent a long time on the phone this morning with Jeff, he is in California this week. And I came to the realization that we are blessed beyond measure, God has given me a wonderful man that loves me with his whole heart and supports me and is there for me, even if no one else ever acknowledges me except him and God I’m ok and blessed beyond measure. We have a wonderful life and we enjoy each other, so really what more do I need?

So wishing all you Mom’s out there happy Mother’s day, enjoy yourself and your family.

Be Anxious for Nothing

Wow I can’t believe March is almost over, this year is zooming by for sure! Lately I have just had this “restlessness” in my soul. I think a huge part of it is being in “limbo” about knowing we are moving and ready to get it over with yet having time constraints on the actual move. I’ve always been a make up your mind and get it done sort of person. I don’t have a lot of patience as my family can attest. That is probably why I often don’t see the long term, it would drive me crazy seeing it and not being able to do it NOW! lol :) God usually only shows me things as I need to know. Isn’t it interesting how He deals with each of us in our own unique way? I love that about Him.
Here is the dictionary definition of restless

World English Dictionary


restless (ˈrɛstlɪs) — adj

1. unable to stay still or quiet

2. ceaselessly active or moving: the restless wind

3. worried; anxious; uneasy

4. not restful; without repose: a restless night


'restlessly — adv

'restlessness— n

Here is God's answer to restless, anxiety, worry etc.

Philippians 4:6-9 (American Standard Version)

6 In nothing be anxious; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honorable, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

9 The things which ye both learned and received and heard and saw in me, these things do: and the God of peace shall be with you.

So this is my prayer for today and especially this season of my life.  Father God please calm my heart and help me to "BE Still and know you are God" lead me and guide me into all peace and rest.

Blessed beyond measure

Wow, what a year! I’m so excited to see what comes next. Of course I am heartbroken over the events in other parts of the world, and I am praying daily for the people affected by all the tragedy and war. I must say things in our little world are very good and I feel so blessed. Jeff’s youngest daughter Rachel is graduating from High School in two and a half months! I am getting very excited about moving back to Arlington. The closer that comes the more peace I feel about the whole thing. I found out on Friday that the house in Burleson we wanted to buy went under contract 2 days after we decided we were just going to move back to Arlington. It was like God sending me confirmation we are taking the right steps.


On another note, tomorrow my daughter is turning 40! I can’t believe it. It seems like just yesterday I was this scared 17 year old girl about to give birth. Bless her heart we basically grew up together. I was not always the best Mother I’m sure but then who really is? I know I loved her the minute I saw her and still do more than words can say. There is nothing I would not do for her. So for today life is good and I am beyond blessed and truly enjoying all that spring has to offer.

Spring is in the Air

Today while walking on campus I saw a daffodil opening up.  I just love when that happens, it’s always a sign that new life is happening and a new season is coming.   Before you know it the highways in Texas will be covered with bluebonnets!  I love flowers and the beauty they bring by just being there.  What a journey this thing called life is!  Hope you are enjoying it as much as I am today.

Roller Coaster Life

Well so far 2011 has been an interesting year.  It’s been a good one but not exactly like I envisioned.  We have our rent house on the market in Arlington, and I thought it would sell fast, it was my house when we got married and I think it is adorable.  The location is not the greatest but it never bothered me.  It’s very close to the freeway so if you commute it’s awesome.  At any rate, it’s been on the market since October and only 8 people have looked at it and no real offers.  One lady made a ridiculous verbal offer but I said don’t even waste time writing that up.  Our renters moved out in November and we moved the utilities over to our name.  In January we got our first electric bill which was way high.  I have been fighting with the electric company ever since.  But because of that bill I drove over to the house at lunch one day to make sure no one had turned the thermostat way up or something.  In doing that I realized it only took me 5 minutes longer to get to work from there than the house we currently live in 6 miles from my office!  How crazy is that, remember I said it was a great location for commuting?  Well that got me thinking.  You see we only owe about $45,000 on that house.  It could be paid off in a couple of years and then we would be debt free!  Very appealing, hmmm.  That has started this whole tug of war in my heart and mind.  You see what started this whole sell both houses and move to the country thing was this property we found in Burleson with a pond, pool, on a hill with a peaceful setting.  (Heaven in my mind)  I must also interject at this point of the story that we have been getting our house we live in ready to sell as well.  In December a friend asked me if we were serious about selling and I said yes.  So about the middle of January I contacted her and to make a long story short, they loved the house and are going to buy it but their lease doesn’t end till June so we get to live here till June (Rachel graduates in June) and we don’t have to go through the whole hassle of living in a house on the market!  Is that a huge blessing from God or what! Makes me get chills even thinking about it.  So one house sold, easy peasy thank you God but what about the other one?  Most of our equity (down payment for new house) is tied up in the Arlington house.  We can’t make it all work without that house selling.  Soooo what’s up God?  Jeff is all for moving back to Arlington and getting out of debt (one of his big dreams).  I’m all for that too except my big dream is to live in a place where I can walk out my back door and hear nothing but birds and not see my neighbors.  I will say Jeff wants that too but he is way more practical than me and I’m older than him and thinking but wait “what about me?”  When do my dreams come true?  So I have gone through the whole woe is me, nobody loves me everybody hates me and I don’t ever get what I want pity party.  I’m finally at a place where I’m ok to move back to my little house in Arlington and get out of debt and just be happy where I’m planted.  I know He knows the end from the beginning and His love for me is never failing and I trust Him to work it all out however He sees fit.  But I still hope someday I can have that place in the country that is full of peace, but I’m willing to wait for a while to get it.  Worse case I have a mansion waiting for me in heaven that I know is on a hill overlooking a sea of flowers. Life is all about compromise, sometimes it's easier than others.  But it's always worth it.