As I sit here contemplating Mother’s day coming up I have so many mixed emotions. I miss my Mom terribly, I just wish I could hear her laugh and call her and tell her what is going on in my world like I used to when she was alive. When I was younger we used to talk every day sometimes several times a day about everything, there wasn’t anything in my world she did not know about. Then as the years went on and life’s little hurts and misunderstandings happen we talked less and less. It wasn’t any one thing, misunderstanding and miscommunications, hurt feelings on both sides, who knows. The result was by the end of her life we did not talk every day and sometimes went for months without talking. I so regret that now, and I realize it was not all my fault or responsibility I would just have done things differently perhaps. Once they are gone you can’t get back the time wasted on stupid misunderstanding and perceived hurt and snubs.
That brings me to the other issue I’m facing in my current state of affairs. I married Jeff 13 years ago this coming Monday and it has been an interesting journey for sure. When we got married I had this vision of blending our families together and having this one big happy family. Well that has not really happened and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s probably not ever going to happen at this point. They are all grown and have their own lives and for whatever reason don’t seem to really want to have much to do with us. So I spent a long time on the phone today with one of my best friends and she told me I need to step back and let it all go and trust God with the outcome. I know she is right but it sure is hard. I’m such a fix it person I want it all fixed NOW!
I also spent a long time yesterday talking to a lady that is getting ready to retire from my workplace. She is estranged from her children and the only family she really has is her church family and it makes you sad but at the same time happy she has some people somewhere that care for her. I’m not estranged really from my kid’s, most of them just never communicate or let us know how they are and don’t seem to care what is going on in our lives. Maybe that is just how it goes when they grow up and “go on” with their lives, I don’t know. I hope I don't get to be 70 and have no contact with any of my children and grandchildren but if it happens I will deal with it.
So my plans at this point for Mother’s day are probably going to be painting the house in Arlington or at least taking more stuff over to get ready for the garage sale. I also spent a long time on the phone this morning with Jeff, he is in California this week. And I came to the realization that we are blessed beyond measure, God has given me a wonderful man that loves me with his whole heart and supports me and is there for me, even if no one else ever acknowledges me except him and God I’m ok and blessed beyond measure. We have a wonderful life and we enjoy each other, so really what more do I need?
So wishing all you Mom’s out there happy Mother’s day, enjoy yourself and your family.
