Saturday, December 3, 2011

Year in Review

What an interesting time I find myself in.  It all started with Christmas 2 years ago.  That was the year of the horrible snow/ice storm that interrupted all of MY plans.  Since then it seems most of MY plans have been interrupted pretty much without fail.  I’m at the point where it’s almost humorous.  Almost.  This year has been a year of monumental change, full of very high highs and very low lows.  We started the year out making two house payments and trying to sell my house in Arlington after renting it for eight years.  We were also working on getting the house in Fort Worth ready to go on the market.  You see we had found a house in Burleson we really wanted, the property was perfect even if the house wasn’t.  We were trying to get both houses sold so we could have the down payment for the new house.  In January a friend approached us about doing a lease purchase on our house in Fort Worth, it seemed like the perfect solution for us and them so we drew up a contract and had that settled.  One down, one to go.  The listing was up on the house in Arlington in March, guess what it didn’t sell!  What to do?  We decided to move back to my little 1800 square foot house and get it paid off in two years.  After all, after Rachel graduated in June it would just be me and Jeff most of the time and it was convenient to both of our jobs.  So we had a new plan.  The week after we made that decision the house in Burleson went on contract to someone else, confirmation to us that we are going in the right direction. 
In April we got to spend a week in Hawaii with our dear friends Joe & Lynn, absolutely precious time and very relaxing.  Life is good; things are progressing on “our” schedule!  The Monday after we got back from Hawaii, we had a little mishap with water in the bathtub running for five hours, came home to an awful mess.  Needless to say that certainly changes “our” schedule and several plans for sure.  Don’t know if you’ve ever experienced a flood and the aftermath but let’s just say I hope you never do.  Everything has to come out, we lived for a week with these fans and humidifiers that make a lot of noise and the rooms affected had to be kept shut and were about 100o.  Dealing with the insurance company was not a lot of fun either.  I learned a lot through the process.  Long story short it all worked out even though it was a huge ordeal and we got new carpet for the house in Fort Worth with what the insurance company paid and we had to add a little to it.  Not too bad.
We started working on the house in Arlington, painting making a few changes, light fixtures, building a shop for Jeff for his knife making business.  Things are going pretty well.  Then came the move.  I will not bore you with all the horrible details but let’s just suffice to say that for me especially it was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life.  We have way too much stuff and the week we moved the girls Mom announced she was moving to Colorado and we had to get all of their stuff moved to our new “little” house.  Did I mention that we were already moving 2500 square feet of stuff into 1800 square feet?  We had to rent a storage building just to have someplace else to put things until we could get it all over here. I told Jeff I think we might be hoarders. lol  It was awful and traumatic for all of us but for some reason especially me.  The first weekend we slept here I woke up in my old bedroom and had this horrible feeling of going backwards.  You see I HATE going backwards and this was not a good feeling at all.  I felt like a failure, I felt like I’m 57 years old and I’m never going to have my dreams fulfilled all kinds of negative thinking.  I was beyond depressed and overwhelmed.  That actually lasted for several weeks, I was angry, very angry at everyone, Jeff, the ex, and most especially God.  Yep I admit it I was mad as a wet hen at the God of the universe.  How could He let this happen to me?  I have given and given and given time and time again, sacrificed my wants and needs for others and here I am again back in this house that I bought when I was single in 1994? Well I wallowed for a few days, maybe even a few weeks, I cried a lot.  That is not like me at all, I rarely cry.  I felt like I was losing my mind and I probably did.  Thanks to a couple of good friends, Lynn & Margo that just kept putting my focus back on God loves me and showing me that love, complete unconditional love I finally got back on track.  Let me just say right here that if you don’t have friends like that I pray God send them to you.  I would not have made it through this without them, they let me be brutally honest and never judged or “corrected” just loved me in my mess.
Then in August the people living in our house in Fort Worth informed us that they didn’t want to buy it after all, still don’t know how that is going to turn out but for now they are taking good care of the house and paying rent so all is good.  Didn’t really want to be a landlord again but God is in control and sees the beginning from the end and I’m trusting Him with the process.
So we lived on concrete for a couple of months, the summer was just too crazy busy with all of us trying to get moved and sort through this mountain of material possessions.  (that process is still not complete the garage is still full but the storage building is empty)  We finally got the wood floors put in the hall and living room in late August early September and then marching season hit with our beautiful granddaughter Whitney.  We enjoyed getting to spend that time with her and the band.  Once a band Mom always a band Mom, I love it!  So we got the house pretty put together, at least as much as possible and ready for Thanksgiving guests.   Jeff’s folks, Mom, Dad, brother and niece came and Abby, Nathan and his sister Ana.  We didn’t have room for everyone so we put them in a hotel down the street.  I was not happy about that, and didn’t like it but it was the best we could do.  We had a great time and enjoyed them all being here.  On Friday after Thanksgiving my stove and oven quit working, I called a guy from work that is an electrician and he came right over, bless you Kirk!  He has it fixed in 10 minutes and didn’t even charge me.  What a blessing.  Then everyone left on Saturday and Sunday and we were getting ready to take Rachel back to Baylor and I walked in my utility room and there was water everywhere.  Just one problem, it was coming from a wall with no plumbing.  How does that happen you ask?  Well it’s called a slab leak, yep water coming up through the slab and guess what it was hot water!  We had nice toasty floors in the laundry room and my sewing room.  Oh did I mention the sewing room has a ton of furniture and brand new carpet?  Called a plumber and he told us what to do to get the water stopped.  We put towels everywhere, moved as much furniture as we could and left to take Rachel back to school.  I forgot to mention that I had woken up in the middle of the night with a lot of congestion on Friday night.  So by the time we got back from taking Rachel I had fever could barely breathe and just in general felt awful.  I called my boss and told him I was going to stay home on Monday.  The plumber came Monday morning and gave us the estimate, don’t know if you have ever experienced this and hope you haven’t but it’s expensive.  We realized the damage in the sewing room was more extensive than we first thought so we called the insurance company, they gave us the go ahead to start repair.  The plumber knew a company to come out and dry everything.  So our next saga began with the water and drying machines.  Let me interject here that water is a very powerful and destructive force, it is amazing to me that something we MUST have for life can also cause such devastation.  So we moved everything from my sewing room into the living room and lived for the next three days with machines and lots of noise.  The plumber dug a 4 x 4 tunnel under our house and took out the pipe with a little pinhole that was causing all the problems.  They were here until 11:00 Monday night, I’m sure the neighbors loved that.  But they got it fixed.  Insurance covered most of the cost; it’s only going to cost us about $1,000 out of our pocket.  The upside is I had decided I didn’t really like the way I had the furniture in my sewing room but there is so much of it and it’s all really big and heavy and I didn’t want to ask Jeff to move it so now we had to!  God works in mysterious ways!  That’s one way to rearrange the room.  Also, because the baseboards had to be pulled up and holes drilled in the wall to dry out the sheetrock, I got new base trim in there!  How cool is that!  The room is still not completely put back together but it’s arranged much better and we can actually put a blowup bed in there now when the kids all come home no more hotels. 
I mentioned earlier that I was not feeling well on Sunday and Monday but by Tuesday I was really sick and had to go to the doctor.  Long story short I had a nasty upper respiratory infection that had started moving into my lungs and she put me on mega antibiotics, nasal spray, prednisone and cough syrup that knocks me out.  I ended up missing the whole week of work and today on Saturday I am finally starting to feel a little better. Of course with the week of drama from the plumbers and the drying company and insurance adjuster it worked out being home sick.
I forgot to mention that on 11/11/11 we had the honor of hosting Barry & Michelle Patterson at our home for a house concert and it was awesome.  It was our first social gathering in the “new” house and it was spectacular!  Very much looking forward to more of that sort of thing.

One more thing I forgot to mention, in August we took the girls rafting in Colorado.  It was a glorious trip and it also was a full circle experience for me and Jeff, you see our first family vacation after we married was to Colorado Springs 13 years ago.  We had a great time and made some great memories, it will probably be the last time we have that sort of family vacation, now that the girls are all grown up and going their own way but what fun!
So that brings me to today, as I sit here and reflect on all this and ask “God what are you doing?”  What does all this mean and what is my response to be?  All I kept hearing is don’t get too comfortable.  Jeff and I are settling in to this new space and time in our lives and we like it a lot.  I feel like I’m home and I am at peace.  I’ve always loved this house and it enables us to meet some financial goals and it works for us.  Excited to see what next year will bring, looking onward and upward, keeping my eyes fixed on Him.  In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He will direct thy path.  I really do believe that and I can say that I am happier than I’ve ever been in my life. God truly does work all things together for His good to those and love Him and are called by Him.

Monday, November 7, 2011

New things

This weekend I was able to get my sewing room in good enough condition to actually be able to sew!  I found a paper piece book with patterns in one of the boxes I unpacked.  Of course I couldn’t resist trying it out.  What fun!  I tried a really easy one at first and it was so quick I decided to try another.  It was much more complicated and didn’t turn out as well.  It always helps to read directions! Lol  

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Times they are a changin

The seasons are changing and not just in the natural.  Wow what a lot of things have been happening in our world.  Too much to list but so excited to see what is around the corner.  Now that we are about unpacked from the move I’m just itching to get my quilting room organized so I can get back to doing what I love.  Take time today to enjoy life and all it offers.

Monday, July 11, 2011

MIA



I have definitely been MIA (missing in action) the last couple of months.  Graduation, moving, remodeling, makes me tired just thinking about it all.  Through it all I am learning more and more about myself and those around me.  God is truly working on my heart and teaching me each day to just trust in Him.  When all else fails where do you turn?  For me it's easy to turn into introspection and depression.  I am choosing to turn to Him and trust in the outcome whether it's what I "want" or not.  We are about 75% done with moving and unpacking.  Wow is it hard to "downsize" but when it's all said and done I think I'm going to be much happier in this new place on several different levels.  God is so good to me.

Friday, May 20, 2011

SCENTSY!!!!!

I have become a Scentsy distributor.


I love this stuff, I have always had candles in my home and these are even better! No open flame, no soot and the smell lasts a lot longer than candles. Please consider buying scentsy or hosting a basket party! If you host a party you can get FREE scentsy! How cool is that!

You can check out my webpage. You can order from there, or call or email. I’m turning in my first order on Monday and would really like to sell at least $200. I already have $80 in sales since yesterday. I’m so excited. It also makes great gifts and can be used in dorm rooms.

As always no obligation, just want to share my new adventure with my friends. Would you consider telling your friends for me, feel free to forward to anyone you might think is interested. Of course I always covet your prayers for success.

https://pamelaguinn.scentsy.us/Home

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy Mothers Day

Well I stand amazed at the goodness of God. We’ve had a marvelous weekend with Jeff’s kids. Abby & Nathan have been here since Thursday and we’ve had a great time visiting and “catching up” with each other. Today I woke up to flowers from Jeff and the girls and Nathan cooking me breakfast! How exciting. Later today I get to have lunch with my kids, they are taking me to Campo Verde in Arlington, one of my favorite Mexican restaurants. And even in the midst of tons of activity we have gone to Whit’s softball game Friday night (she got a hit, scored and they won the game!), moved another load to Arlington and Whit spent the night Friday night. It’s been a great weekend and I have enjoyed myself immensely. I have repented for my little pitty party earlier in the week and realize God is just working on some heart issues mostly with me. But isn’t that usually the truth? It has been my experience in life when something hurts really bad it’s usually a cleansing in your heart that needs to be addressed. False expectations, illegitimate responsibility, etc. Growing in God and getting healthy is a journey called life and I hope to embrace it.



Today is Mother’s Day. It’s a day to honor our Mother, mine has been gone from this world for 5 years now and I miss her all the time but I know I will see her again in heaven so I take great peace in that. However, today I enjoy what I have here and rejoice that I have been given the honor to be a Mom to some great kids both in the natural and spiritual. My prayer for today is that God will give me and all Moms the grace to enjoy our children and let them go all at the same time. Hopefully they will continue to grow and have wonderful lives and leave a legacy for their kids as well.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Mother's Day

As I sit here contemplating Mother’s day coming up I have so many mixed emotions. I miss my Mom terribly, I just wish I could hear her laugh and call her and tell her what is going on in my world like I used to when she was alive. When I was younger we used to talk every day sometimes several times a day about everything, there wasn’t anything in my world she did not know about. Then as the years went on and life’s little hurts and misunderstandings happen we talked less and less. It wasn’t any one thing, misunderstanding and miscommunications, hurt feelings on both sides, who knows. The result was by the end of her life we did not talk every day and sometimes went for months without talking. I so regret that now, and I realize it was not all my fault or responsibility I would just have done things differently perhaps. Once they are gone you can’t get back the time wasted on stupid misunderstanding and perceived hurt and snubs.


That brings me to the other issue I’m facing in my current state of affairs. I married Jeff 13 years ago this coming Monday and it has been an interesting journey for sure. When we got married I had this vision of blending our families together and having this one big happy family. Well that has not really happened and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s probably not ever going to happen at this point. They are all grown and have their own lives and for whatever reason don’t seem to really want to have much to do with us. So I spent a long time on the phone today with one of my best friends and she told me I need to step back and let it all go and trust God with the outcome. I know she is right but it sure is hard. I’m such a fix it person I want it all fixed NOW!

I also spent a long time yesterday talking to a lady that is getting ready to retire from my workplace. She is estranged from her children and the only family she really has is her church family and it makes you sad but at the same time happy she has some people somewhere that care for her. I’m not estranged really from my kid’s, most of them just never communicate or let us know how they are and don’t seem to care what is going on in our lives. Maybe that is just how it goes when they grow up and “go on” with their lives, I don’t know.  I hope I don't get to be 70 and have no contact with any of my children and grandchildren but if it happens I will deal with it.

So my plans at this point for Mother’s day are probably going to be painting the house in Arlington or at least taking more stuff over to get ready for the garage sale. I also spent a long time on the phone this morning with Jeff, he is in California this week. And I came to the realization that we are blessed beyond measure, God has given me a wonderful man that loves me with his whole heart and supports me and is there for me, even if no one else ever acknowledges me except him and God I’m ok and blessed beyond measure. We have a wonderful life and we enjoy each other, so really what more do I need?

So wishing all you Mom’s out there happy Mother’s day, enjoy yourself and your family.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Be Anxious for Nothing

Wow I can’t believe March is almost over, this year is zooming by for sure! Lately I have just had this “restlessness” in my soul. I think a huge part of it is being in “limbo” about knowing we are moving and ready to get it over with yet having time constraints on the actual move. I’ve always been a make up your mind and get it done sort of person. I don’t have a lot of patience as my family can attest. That is probably why I often don’t see the long term, it would drive me crazy seeing it and not being able to do it NOW! lol :) God usually only shows me things as I need to know. Isn’t it interesting how He deals with each of us in our own unique way? I love that about Him.
Here is the dictionary definition of restless

World English Dictionary


restless (ˈrɛstlɪs) — adj

1. unable to stay still or quiet

2. ceaselessly active or moving: the restless wind

3. worried; anxious; uneasy

4. not restful; without repose: a restless night


'restlessly — adv

'restlessness— n

Here is God's answer to restless, anxiety, worry etc.

Philippians 4:6-9 (American Standard Version)

6 In nothing be anxious; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honorable, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

9 The things which ye both learned and received and heard and saw in me, these things do: and the God of peace shall be with you.

So this is my prayer for today and especially this season of my life.  Father God please calm my heart and help me to "BE Still and know you are God" lead me and guide me into all peace and rest.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Blessed beyond measure

Wow, what a year! I’m so excited to see what comes next. Of course I am heartbroken over the events in other parts of the world, and I am praying daily for the people affected by all the tragedy and war. I must say things in our little world are very good and I feel so blessed. Jeff’s youngest daughter Rachel is graduating from High School in two and a half months! I am getting very excited about moving back to Arlington. The closer that comes the more peace I feel about the whole thing. I found out on Friday that the house in Burleson we wanted to buy went under contract 2 days after we decided we were just going to move back to Arlington. It was like God sending me confirmation we are taking the right steps.


On another note, tomorrow my daughter is turning 40! I can’t believe it. It seems like just yesterday I was this scared 17 year old girl about to give birth. Bless her heart we basically grew up together. I was not always the best Mother I’m sure but then who really is? I know I loved her the minute I saw her and still do more than words can say. There is nothing I would not do for her. So for today life is good and I am beyond blessed and truly enjoying all that spring has to offer.


Friday, February 18, 2011

Spring is in the Air



Today while walking on campus I saw a daffodil opening up.  I just love when that happens, it’s always a sign that new life is happening and a new season is coming.   Before you know it the highways in Texas will be covered with bluebonnets!  I love flowers and the beauty they bring by just being there.  What a journey this thing called life is!  Hope you are enjoying it as much as I am today.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Roller Coaster Life

Well so far 2011 has been an interesting year.  It’s been a good one but not exactly like I envisioned.  We have our rent house on the market in Arlington, and I thought it would sell fast, it was my house when we got married and I think it is adorable.  The location is not the greatest but it never bothered me.  It’s very close to the freeway so if you commute it’s awesome.  At any rate, it’s been on the market since October and only 8 people have looked at it and no real offers.  One lady made a ridiculous verbal offer but I said don’t even waste time writing that up.  Our renters moved out in November and we moved the utilities over to our name.  In January we got our first electric bill which was way high.  I have been fighting with the electric company ever since.  But because of that bill I drove over to the house at lunch one day to make sure no one had turned the thermostat way up or something.  In doing that I realized it only took me 5 minutes longer to get to work from there than the house we currently live in 6 miles from my office!  How crazy is that, remember I said it was a great location for commuting?  Well that got me thinking.  You see we only owe about $45,000 on that house.  It could be paid off in a couple of years and then we would be debt free!  Very appealing, hmmm.  That has started this whole tug of war in my heart and mind.  You see what started this whole sell both houses and move to the country thing was this property we found in Burleson with a pond, pool, on a hill with a peaceful setting.  (Heaven in my mind)  I must also interject at this point of the story that we have been getting our house we live in ready to sell as well.  In December a friend asked me if we were serious about selling and I said yes.  So about the middle of January I contacted her and to make a long story short, they loved the house and are going to buy it but their lease doesn’t end till June so we get to live here till June (Rachel graduates in June) and we don’t have to go through the whole hassle of living in a house on the market!  Is that a huge blessing from God or what! Makes me get chills even thinking about it.  So one house sold, easy peasy thank you God but what about the other one?  Most of our equity (down payment for new house) is tied up in the Arlington house.  We can’t make it all work without that house selling.  Soooo what’s up God?  Jeff is all for moving back to Arlington and getting out of debt (one of his big dreams).  I’m all for that too except my big dream is to live in a place where I can walk out my back door and hear nothing but birds and not see my neighbors.  I will say Jeff wants that too but he is way more practical than me and I’m older than him and thinking but wait “what about me?”  When do my dreams come true?  So I have gone through the whole woe is me, nobody loves me everybody hates me and I don’t ever get what I want pity party.  I’m finally at a place where I’m ok to move back to my little house in Arlington and get out of debt and just be happy where I’m planted.  I know He knows the end from the beginning and His love for me is never failing and I trust Him to work it all out however He sees fit.  But I still hope someday I can have that place in the country that is full of peace, but I’m willing to wait for a while to get it.  Worse case I have a mansion waiting for me in heaven that I know is on a hill overlooking a sea of flowers. Life is all about compromise, sometimes it's easier than others.  But it's always worth it.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

New Year New direction I hope!

This sunrise greeted me on the way to work this morning and it was like God saying look at all I have waiting for you.  The possibilities are limitless!
What an interesting year.  It has been busy for sure.  Hope it slows down a bit, but then I have been hoping that for a few years now and it just seems to speed up! Lol  I have been spending a lot of time in prayer and asking about what is next.  One thing I am clearly hearing is lay aside all expectations.  Keep focused only on Him.  I had a dream the other night about my Grandma Sockwell.  I won’t go into all the details of the dream but it was interesting and when I woke up I remembered this little plaque she had hanging in her bathroom.  It had the scripture passage “In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He will direct thy path.”  That sign was there for all my childhood and every time I went to the bathroom I read it.  As I thought about that more during the day I came to the realization that she above all other people impacted my life and influenced who I am today in so many ways.  She was always laughing and taught me to have fun.  She loved her family fiercely and truly had the gift of hospitality.  She did not have an easy life by any means but you would have never known it.  I never heard her complain about it.  She always took us to Sunday school when we were there.  I KNEW she loved me, not by what she said but by what she did and how she responded to me.  My Papa was the same way.  So I am asking myself who am I influencing? And the people I have effect on is it for good or bad?  I want to reflect the love of God to all who meet me.  I have a long way to go, so I am asking for His grace and His heart this year.